Spring Forward: The Confidence to Keep Moving

April 20, 2014

Dear Ladies,

This month is dedicated to confidence. When LQC asked me what should be the theme, I knew without a doubt that it should be confidence-gaining it and having it. This, I believe, is a challenge to a 20-something trying to make it in the world of adults.

March has been such a “funk” month for yours truly. I felt burned out, lost belief that I can conquer the world and started questioning what in the world am I doing with my life. In other words, I was on the on set of a quarter-life crisis at 23.

The month of February (prior to Lent), had led me to a downward spiral of bad habits. Chocolate, cookies and chips have become my best friends whilst eating out has become a staple. This gluttony has led me to give up the three for the lenten season and focus on God and building back my spiritual life. I needed to learn to trust in Him and not on the 3 C’s that I have happened to turn to.

On the day of “Spring Forward”, March 9, 2014, I decided I was going to get a haircut and highlights. Get a new ‘do to commemorate my “springing forward”. However, things didn’t go as planned. My hairdresser did not have any availability. I was all dressed and ready so I decided to go shopping instead.

It was a nice day. I ended up buying a couple of new things and then making some sort of dinner-ish plans with a friend. I sat outside reading a book waiting for her. This is when a certain stranger has entered my life. We’ll call him Mr. Stranger for purposes of this story.

You see, those who I allow into my life  know this well enough: it takes time for me to open up and to let someone in my life to the point that they actually KNOW me. I’m very good with seeming like I’m talking about myself but at the end of the day you barely know anything about me. Yes, I’m guarded and it’s something that I believe stems from one thing: insecurity.

On March 9, 2014, I have let Mr. Stranger into my life. First time in a long time have I allowed myself to be vulnerable like that. It may not be obvious to many but to me it’s a big step.  However, he really caught me at a bad time. Timing was all off. (More on this in a different post someday).

I was at the point that I really wasn’t sure about anything when I’ve always been the one who’s certain about things. I was in a very sensitive and insecure state of mind. I didn’t have anything under control even though I placed the facade that I did. I was losing touch of what I want and that really placed me in the funk that I was trying to get out of.

My whole life was getting sloppy and for someone who has prided herself on having it under control, I was a mess. Therefore, he got me in a mess which probably contributed to whatever it was not leading anywhere (that and some other things that may make it into a post sometime in the future). I wasn’t ready nor did I believe that I was worth the attention of someone. I was literally pushing him away.

He brought it up. That I should stop putting myself down. And just like that, I knew it was obvious. My insecurity about what is going on with my life at the moment, everything, was crashing down on everything and that sucked butt.

Confidence in this time, at our age, is but a facade. It is something we just fake in order to survive and make it in this place of our lives that we are extremely uncertain of. However, we should work it up. We need to gain the confidence to spring forward, to keep moving, in spite of the insecurity, the uncertainty, the lack of belief in what is going to happen in the end.

Ladies, it’s process. I am not there yet. I’m trying to fake it until I make it. Last month, I lost the energy to even fake it. I’m slowly building it back up. I’m taking baby steps though. But I realized, what is helping the most, are the family and friends who don’t buy my bull. They tell me as is and they support me and tell me what I need to hear.

So ladies, surround yourself with a good “board of directors” who will give you advise that you need and will always want what is best for you. This affirmation is the best to gain the confidence to keep moving. These people are a reflection of who you are and who you want to become. These are the ones  who love you because you are you, insecurities and all.

Let’s keep moving,ladies! We can do this!