2015: A lookback

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. Perhaps it's the fact that I turned 25 a month and a half ago or that this is the most internal change I've felt in a while.

How do I summarize 2015 in a blog post? If my life were in a twitter feed, what would my hashtag be?

#adulting
#revisit
#vulnerability
#awkward
#lettinggo
#lettingGod

But after much thought, I realized that if I were to summarize 2015, it would just be #living.

It was the year I had the least written blog posts (tumblr, wordpress, blogger). I wasn't reflecting or thinking or sorting out things and writing it down. I was actually discussing it. I was expressing it people and talking it through. Praying for it and lifting it up to God. I tried new things. Planned things last minute or did not plan at all. I did a lot of things that made me uncomfortable and in doing so I learned so much about who I am as a person and why I am as a person.

2015 was the year I let myself be vulnerable. It all started with letting a person into my life. It's amazing to think that this time last year, he and I were starting. This time, this year, he's not in it. However, he made a big impression in my life. I'm grateful that I spent part of my 2015 with him but I believe it's best I'm going into 2016 without him.

2015 was the year I pushed my spiritual growth to include other people. I thought this aspect of my life was just mine. I realized that while that is a part of it as faith starts internally, it's also something to be shared. My relationship with God is a relationship with other people as well. I'm still growing but I really am glad I'm carrying this to 2016.

2015 was the year that I was on the move. I traveled a lot. I started the year celebrating one of my best friend's birthday in Orlando. I went to Aspen, CO, Cherry Hill, NJ, Williamsburg, VA, and Santa Cruz, CA for work. I traveled with my family to Orlando and Myrtle Beach, SC. I did nothing with the same best friend in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.  I spent Thanksgiving weekend with coworkers in Charleston, SC and Savannah, GA. I saw Annapolis, MD and Solomon's Island, MD. I'm excited to continue just experiencing the world next year while I can.

2015 was the year that I tried new things. New things that were out of my comfort zone that I can never imagine myself doing. One thing to show how far I went was doing belly dancing classes beginning in October. Belly dancing required a lot of confidence and guts. I learned that such things are better with a friend who's doing it with you and cheering you on.

2015 began with no expectations. I was not sure where things were going and there was nothing certain. I was not aiming for some sort of change not reaching for some sort of goal. I went into it without resolutions or reflections from the past year or anything. I made a 24 things I learned in 2014 on my wordpress blog but that's it.

Now, as it comes to an end, I feel like a lot of things happened and nothing happened at the same time. I'm saying good-bye to this year unsure and uncertain of what it really means in the whole scheme of things. Perhaps I'll look back to this year and think that this is the year that shaped who I am or it's just like some any other year.

2016 is beginning with another uncertainty as I enter a new phase of my life with a new job but I'm actually kind of excited for it. I'm ready to welcome 2016 with open arms. A little uncertainty never killed any one right?

Happy last day of 2015 everyone!

Of Enjoying the Stillness and Accepting the Grace

A couple of nights ago, I was on the phone with a really good friend and we talked about the concept of "stillness." She explained to me that if there's anything she learned a year ago from where she is now, is that she needs to enjoy the stillness and just savor it.

At 24, that's a hard concept to grasp. I am never still. I always keep moving. I need a certainty and I need a goal. It's never just living, it's always living for. 

I thought that by  this point in time, this very moment, I would have gotten the goals I set out to do. But God has other plans and a different timeline. 

God chose my 24th year of living to be just that, just living. 

I've been reflecting a lot the past week and I realized that the stillness that I thought encompassed this year was merely limbo. I thought that it was this in-between that I don't know how to handle. 

However, the last couple of days made me realize that this year was about experiencing, learning about myself ,and understanding the who I am and why I am. 

This year was about accepting the grace, accepting that He is here with me and for me. 

I have searched within myself a lot this whole year. I figured out "the why" in different facets in my life. I realized how it contributed to who I am. I now have a good grasp on what makes me.

I always described myself as being who you ever need me to be, as long as I don't sacrifice my integrity. What I don't sacrifice became clearer to me this year. I am more sure of who I am as a person and who I am as an individual.

I am very grateful to the people who have stuck with me/joined me in where I am now. I will never understand myself as a person without the context of you and the context of Him. 

Now, let's get on with chapter 25?