PCN Reflection

Who would have thought that Philippine Culture Night (PCN) would have been an integral part of my college career?

For four years, I poured blood, sweat and tears, sacrificed a percentage or more off my grades, endured sleep-deprived days and went through a lack of social life . I may even have made some people hate me but I realized who my true friends were, developed relationships with people whom I never thought I can be friends with and did something that I never thought I would ever do.

I didn’t realize how much PCN really meant to me until this semester. Until I wrote the final script I’m ever going to write for this event. (I’m a frustrated writer. When I first came to the US 8 years ago, my refuge was writing. That’s how I pulled through adjusting to a new environment. And then life happened and I just completely forgot about it.) It was really difficult to solidify it because I felt in my gut that it was all over. That when I print the script out and distribute it to the actors, everything is over. I did my part and then they don’t need me anymore.

Yes, they don’t. They never really did. In my opinion, acting for PCN is different than acting for an actual production. We’re not acting to show our talent. We’re acting to portray ourselves as Filipino and Filipino-American. It’s a lot more about the crowd, the adrenaline, the blood pumping through your veins. It’s about understanding who and what you’re portraying and interacting with your fellow actor on stage.

I’m not director nor am I a writer. However, I saw PCN as a means for those who are acting in it to highlight a part of their culture, their personality, of who they are. This is part of the reason that writing the script requires me knowing who my actors are, observing how they interact with people. I want to make it as painless as possible but as painful at the same time. I want them to delve deep within themselves and find where they’re going to pull this persona but keep who they are at the same time.

Last night was probably one of the most difficult nights to execute. I had a lot of expectations for myself. I wanted this PCN to be a gift to my fellow seniors. The first time all of us stepped on that stage was the first time PCN was held in the Pryz Great Room and that night meant a lot to all of us. Every single year, all of us put ourselves through this torture, trying our best to recreate how we felt during that night four years ago not just for ourselves but for every single class after ours.

The pressure last night got the best of me. This is the first time I really let PCN take over my life. And last night, my mind just blanked out and I was numb. Everything was a mess in my head. Things were so hard to execute because I can’t keep my thoughts straight. My emotions were on a high. My brain was in a constant whirl and my body was exhausted. I can’t focus on the little details like I used to. I was all about the bigger picture. At that point, all I was really trying to do was make sure everyone was enjoying themselves in spite of the hassle and the stress that’s happening to make everything seem like it’s going great.

But things pulled through. Thank God for my Co and the rest of FOCUS that things happened albeit not flawlessly but it did and that’s all that matters. And, in my most humble opinion, I think we executed the best show we ever have.

Thanks to the FOCUS members for trusting Steph and I with everything we asked them to do. Thanks to the audience for being interactive, open and appreciative of the hard work that FOCUS has put into the show. And last but not the least, thank you God for giving us the talent, the patience and the love for the culture that we were all brought up in.

Coming Home: Kanlungan has come to a close. But the refuge and shelter that we have all found in our home away from home and our FOCUS family will always be there. FOCUS, thank you so much for being a part of my college career and for trusting Steph and I with PCN. It is this belief in us and your love for PCN that allowed us to push things to the next level and to be hopeful of the future of an event that both of us, along with the rest of your FOCUS seniors, hold truly dear in our hearts.